Genital jousting date night not working full#
Genital jousting date night not working professional#

The single player story is completely unrelatable to someone who ACTUALLY (genital) jousts in the REAL WORLD because I feel no connection to this complete fantasy. How can you joust genitals with a floppy piece? It would be like if you participated in non-genital Horse Jousting with pool noodles! It’s absolutely ridiculous and insulting. Most importantly, though, the penises in the real life sport of Genital Jousting are ALWAYS erect. This type of formation may be common in Genital Jousting afterparties but would NEVER be seen in an actual competition. They’re not just roaming around on their own in little costumes. There are also quite notably humans (and in one occasion, a very intelligent dog) attached to these penises. I’m willing to let artists take artistic liberties, but in real life, Genital Jousting is not bright and colorful - it is played primarily in a field, in the dark of night so as to not alert authorities. First of all, aesthetically, the game is all over the place. This is my life and I was excited to see it brought to the masses in the form of video games.īut the Devolver game Genital Jousting seems to take absolutely no inspiration from the real life sport played by dozens worldwide, aside from the inclusion of penises. And my family has been participating internationally in this sport for nearly 200 years! I take Genital Jousting very seriously, as all competitors do, which is why I’m known around the world as The Stinger, for my extremely small, but powerful, penis that my enemies find difficult to take down. It’s extremely intense and strategic - it requires the jouster to be in tip-top shape physically, mentally, and penisly.

Genital jousting date night not working full#

It’s a very passionate sport that involves two penised-people, fully erect, charging at each other at full speed, trying to knock their foe onto the ground. The real life Genital Jousting isn’t some colorful joke.

I was quickly dismayed, however, to discover that the game fails to capture the aspects of the real sport of Genital Jousting in any way.

Genital jousting date night not working professional#

That’s why, as a professional Genital Jouster, I was extremely excited to discover that, in 2018, developer Free Lives and publisher Devolver Digital released a video game based on my beloved pastime called Genital Jousting. From Madden to FIFA, I love how video games recreate the feeling of playing a sport in the digital world, translating each and every nuance into something everybody can enjoy. As a gamer and an athlete, my favorite genre of video games is sports games.